Commercial Landlords have a duty to take the piss says John Salmon, Plumber Brisbane. Sure, commercial property investment’s seen some difficult times these past few years and you’ve probably had a wee period of vacancy. Finally, your commercial property is getting some interest and you’re ready for tenants, make sure your facilities are up to scratch. So, let’s talk urinals. I mean, who doesn’t embrace a thought-provoking conversation about urinal and toilet maintenance?

There’s not enough beer for an Aussie bloke on a mission to get shitfaced

We are a proud beer drinking nation. We’re also a disgraceful beer drinking nation. Sometimes a lying in the gutter of shame beer drinking nation. Here in Brisbane, when we’re not drinking beer, we’re guzzling cold drinks because it’s hot AF out there. We are, in short, a pissy nation and Brisbane is the Capital Pee. We’re making urine like we plan to export it to China. While I respect an Australian’s right to get their drink on, I am here to speak up for your commercial urinal. It’s got to take the piss, and here in Australia, we’ve got a problem with piss-poor plumbing for commercial urinals.

Will your property pass a piss test?

As your beer swilling, or wine quaffing, or blue slushy jonesing clientele take aim at their stainless-steel prey, they’re not peeing pure sunshine. They’re showering your facilities with minerals so rich that Gina Rheinhart’s sniffing around. Calcium, phosphorus, sodium, potassium, and a bunch of other kidney treats are adding to the fragrant bouquet of your men’s elegant powder room. The minerals take a wee rest in your urinal trough (or pools in the ceramic bowl if you’re got fancy urinals) before trickling oh-so-slowly down into your pipes.

Urinal design will piss off commercial tenants

The urine may be flushed away or it may take a prolonged aromatic rest if your urinal system is on auto-flush. Either way, a urinal flush is piss-poor compared to a toilet flush. A urinal uses minimal water needed for the job. That’s awesome for your water bills and our gaspingly dry environment – but will someone please, think of the pipes? Urinal drainage pipes are traditionally, well awkwardly undersized, and in this case SIZE MATTERS. In a skinny little pipe, it takes no time at all to build up a mineral layer, narrowing the pipe and slowing your urinal’s drainage. Can you….smell the problem here? So, your tenant puts “urinal maintenance” on their least-favourite employee’s to do list (it’s the short order cook that keeps showing up high, for sure) and must endure employee pissing and moaning with lousy results. There’s no hardware store remedy for taking the piss efficiently.

How to flush your plumbing budget in no time

Eventually, your urinal will stop taking the piss altogether. And it will be on Australia Day, St Patrick’s Day or New Year’s Eve. Guaranteed. Nothing like binge drinking to stress the kidneys and fill your urinal with all kinds of mineral markers of chronic disease. Your tenant’s biggest night of the year will be a piss-soaked disaster and your emergency Brisbane commercial plumber call out fee will be ASTRONOMICAL.

How commercial landlords can prevent pissing money down the drain

Here’s my expert plumber’s opinion on the matter of urine:

“Not to piss in our own pocket, but we are the commercial plumbers Brisbane trusts to deal with this crap (actually we deal with all kinds of crappy and pissy problems) before it becomes a total shit show. We do urinal maintenance on the big restaurant chains, the busiest pubs, property managers, council facilities, hospitals, universities and the worst of all, schools. Kids are gross. Seriously. You thought Yager Bombs and jelly shots were bad for your aim? Try Fruit Poppers and under-developed fine motor skills. So, our commercial plumbing team install urinals, maintain urinals and repair urinals, every single day. They live for it. It’s their calling.”

Invest in sound urinary management

Booking a commercial plumber to do regular maintenance on your toilets, basins and urinals may seem like one of those…optional expenses. Until the piss hits the fan and you’re fresh out of paddles (and mixing metaphors in a panic). Then it sounds like regret, expensive regret. In these times of low commercial occupancy rates, can you really afford to piss off a paying tenant – all for the cost of a low-key plumbing maintenance plan? And, we just do it. You book an ongoing maintenance service at the frequency you need, we’ll arrange it with the tenant and there’s nothing else left for you to worry about. "We’re all about the service at Salmon Plumbing, we take the YOU out of Urine."